“…the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33b)
And, like many Americans, I pitied Jon. Jon… the beaten down, emasculated, berated, constantly chided husband.
There is, of course, no defense for his recent behavior. Since the breakup of the marriage, he has acted out in ways that defy explanation. But any married couple who are not dysfunctional could see his departure from the marriage as inevitable. Week after week, he sat on that couch with Kate doing interviews, biting his tongue and choking back his true feelings.
Let’s be blunt and honest: Kate treated him like a pig, and for all the scriptures posted on notes around her kitchen she seemed to have missed the one that says “the wife must respect her husband.” She berated him in public, made him look stupid in front of others, spoke to him like he was one of the children and just generally stripped him of all his masculine pride.
NOTE TO WIVES: In survey after survey of married men, when asked what they need most from their wife the answer is always the same. If you guessed “sex” you are wrong. Sexual intimacy is, of course, a very important part of marriage, but sex comes in second or third on most husband’s list of needs. The number one answer is often respect. Husbands need respect from their wife. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?
When they were dating, she told him how wonderful he was, how he made her happy and fulfilled her… and then she got the ring, the white dress and the princes treatment on wedding day and everything changed. Suddenly, Mr. Wonderful gets exasperated looks, loud sighs, public scolding, rolled eyes, and disrespect that would never be shown toward anyone else. It is humiliating and emasculating to him, but he fears standing up for himself, dreading the argument, sexual deprivation and anger that is bound to result, so he sucks it up, bottles his hurt and anger and dies a little bit every day — and the love dies a little daily, too.
As a man who has been married to a wonderful woman for 38-1/2 years so far, I’ll ask you young wives a question: have you ever heard my wife ridicule me, berate me, correct me, or speak to me with disdain or disrespect? No. Never. That’s because she loves me and respects me, and she wants others to respect me. She knows that if she speaks down to me, or treats me in a way that makes me look like less of a respected man, others — especially other MEN — will lose respect for me and it will cause me to lose credibility.
Why would any woman want their husband to lose face, lose the respect of other men and be seen as weak and whipped?
Wives, you must respect your husbands. Speak gently to him. Show him the respect he needs. Build him up before others by your words and actions. You will be amazed at the change in him and in your marriage when he believes you respect and believe in him.