First a bit of transparent confession: it has long been a source of some frustration and, at times, embarrassment that I have never been very good at maintaining a formal daily devotion. I’ve tried… believe me, I have tried. It has just always seemed forced, contrived and (to be frank) smacking a bit of self-righteous works. It was done with reluctance, as a religious duty that had to be checked off some spiritual to-do list to gain God’s approval.
Long, extended times of prayer? I am a failure at that, also. A former pastor I served could pray for endless hours and held all-night prayer vigils. Out of obligation, or fear of appearing less-than-spiritual, I went once. I joined a room full of intense people, praying with passion, some in really loud, commanding tones. I lasted about 20 minutes. I had prayed for my list, made up some other stuff to pray for, listened to the vocal prayers of others and kind of “me, too’ed” them, and then I found myself yawning and dozing into the late night. Instead of a triumphant night encountering God’s presence, I left sad, defeated and guilty. My prayer life, to be honest, is more typified by brief, casual, ongoing conversation with God in the pattern of Practicing the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence, the 17th Century monastery cook. It is just what works best for me.
These things are somewhat compounded, I suspect, by the fact that all the people who seem good at formal daily devotions are morning people. I am definitely NOT a morning person. I have no problem with putting in 10, 12, even 14 hour days, as long as those days start about 10-ish. I am writing this close to midnight because I am far more lucid and productive late at night.
The one formal spiritual discipline that appeals to me is journaling. I like to read, and I like to write. Although I am making no pledge of consistency, I bought a blank journal book at Target tonight with the intentions of seeing if this will work for me. Being a journaling rookie, I needed some structure, and opted to adopt the SOAP format used by many churches:
Scripture
Observation
Application
Prayer
If you are one who journals, I’d love to know how it has worked for you.