The debate over nature vs nurture in the matter of same-sex marriage keeps coming up. The argument goes like this: “you can’t hold it against me that I am attracted to people of the same gender… I believe i was BORN this way, so it is just how I am wired!”
The science on this matter is inconclusive, at best, and confusing, at worst. Battling experts make claims refuted by the studies of others.For the sake of discussion let me work from the assumption (flawed, in my view) that some people are born with a propensity to be attracted to members of their same gender. An aside is necessary at this point: since some people seem to drift in and out of gayness (Anne Heche, former partner of Ellen DeGeneres seems to be a classic example) and some people in prison become “gay for the stay” it is obvious that no such blanket pronouncement that “all gays are born that way” can be made. A second disclaimer: I frequently hear “who would willingly CHOOSE to be gay when it means being rejected by family and disdained by society?” — you can understand why the straight world sees that argument is specious during Gay Pride Week. There is no “Gay Shame Week” or “Please help me, I hate being this way week.” Gay Pride Week is a time when the most outrageous, flamboyant, in-your-face aspects of the gay lifestyle are celebrated and paraded, so, yeah, it looks a lot like a choice to most people despite the coy denials. (But, I digress…) So, the argument goes, since gays are born that way, society should not only tolerate, but celebrate that difference, and remove all legal constraints and silence any voice that disagrees. Let’s follow that logic to its natural conclusion. I am a 60-year-old man. I was probably born with a natural propensity to be attracted to beautiful 18-year-old girls. But I have been married for 39 years to a lovely woman who is no longer 18, but in her late 50s. I am able to keep my propensity for young hard-bodies firmly under control and focus my affections on my wife. If we buy the “I was born this way” argument, what are we to do with those who swear they were born with a natural attraction to children? After all, they can’t help it… they were BORN that way.